Volunteering to Me

To me, volunteering means donating my time and effort on my own accord to help anyone in any way, whether directly or indirectly. Although I really do want to volunteer (especially during this time of crisis in Japan), I have to admit that my previous experiences in volunteering often deter me from doing so more. Back in middle and high school there were two groups called the Junior Honor Society and the National Honor Society – even though I didn’t know most of the people in the groups and I didn’t want to be forced to do 50 hours of community service each year, given that these organizations are somewhat prestigious and look great on a college application, my mom forced me to join. Each week I would go to the meetings and sign up for various volunteering events, but due to my nervousness and the overbearing personalities of some of the members, I would often get forgotten about, and end up standing around doing nothing. Also, in order to make sure I got my 50 hours in and wouldn’t be kicked out, I would often look for menial jobs (i.e. typing for people, babysitting) that most likely don’t even count as volunteering, and I would sometimes exaggerate my time spent “volunteering” on paper to avoid the wrath of the group (and my mom). Out of all the hours I spent “volunteering”, I wonder how big of a difference I actually made, or how much time of my life and other’s lives I wasted.

Despite all this, once I entered college, I decided to participate in my school’s volunteer organization in hopes that I would have a better experience. Each year HAVOC (Hamilton Association for Volunteering, Outreach and Charity) hosts two major volunteering events, where hundreds of students are shipped out on buses to various locations to perform all different kinds of work. In contrast to middle and high school, these events were actually fun since I was able to participate with my close friends or other interesting people, but oftentimes I still felt unneeded and that I wasn’t actually making a difference. I appreciate HAVOC’s effort in organizing all these people and events, but given that the number of volunteers typically exceeded the actual demand for help in our community, I don’t believe that our time was used wisely. I hate feeling in the way and as if the leaders of the soup kitchens, YMCAs, etc. are running around trying to find work to entertain us with, and I hated sitting around waiting an hour or two for the bus to come pick us up again. I still plan on going to these events since they’re fun and a great way to get off campus and explore, but whether or not I’ll actually feel good about myself and what I’ve done afterward, I can’t say.

I feel pretty terrible for not volunteering often, but I’m tired of participating in half-assed events and then trying to convince myself that I’m helping people in order to make myself feel that I’m a better person. If I’m going to volunteer, I want to make a noticeable difference in at least one person’s life, even if the impact I have is somewhat small. Although I am not able to go and volunteer up north directly (my mom would probably go insane with worry – I’ve already caused her enough grief by coming here), I really want to participate in some sort of event to help indirectly. For once I want to volunteer in something I believe in (not something that I’m forced into), and I actually want to use every moment of my time in that situation to help. To me, that’s real volunteering, and I really hope I can have a “real” volunteer experience while I’m here in Japan.